I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
