I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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