wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
