I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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