I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
