I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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