Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize