it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We were destined to go to rehab together
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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