you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is wine microwaveable?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
