you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
