Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
