I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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