Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
