Your face is a jimmy john
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
