Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
