Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
