Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
