Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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