i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
