gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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