apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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