i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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