Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
the raccoons are back...
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