did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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