Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
