Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
