...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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