My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
