Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
