barbara walters just said penis...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
