Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
