I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
