It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
