Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
