somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
