Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
