I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
