i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
