I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
