So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
