Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
