There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
