Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
