the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
