I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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