YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
