but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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