My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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