you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
