remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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