the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
