Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
