I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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