i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
