Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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