you will always have a special place in my vag
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
