My nipple is on Facebook.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
