When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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