is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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