ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
