I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
