Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
