So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
