You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
