A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
third nipple confirmed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
