dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
