wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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