I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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