you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
