woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
