o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
whose ass print is on the piano?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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