I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
