be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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