Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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