I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
