She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
